When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! ~Lydia M. Child, Philothea: A Romance, 1836
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. ~Tom Wilson
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. ~Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. ~Tom Wilson
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